im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
