Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
