was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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