atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
