I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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