If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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