theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
