roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
