when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
