I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
