i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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