im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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