Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
