it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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