Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
