I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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