Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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