apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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