Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
