my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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