I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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