Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
