she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
