O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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