I need help removing her.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
