YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
