Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
