There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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