I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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