i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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