Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
