i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
high people should be assigned attendants
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
