Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
