I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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