dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Still dying that you shit outside
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
