fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
