WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize