he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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