You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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