Will you blow on my dice?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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