I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
