how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
