return my video game
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
