Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
