No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
