i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
