We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
