how can u be prego again
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
