but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
