Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
