I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
