i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We got so high we made milksteak
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
