Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
