I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
