I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
