So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
