Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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