they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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