He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
home. puking in laundry basket.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
