Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize