I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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