sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize