I am in a vortex of obligation.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
