oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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