Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
