I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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