After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
