new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
