I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
