i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
